The 'Gender' Issue
by PezMaster
Summary: When a spell goes wrong, Ron and Hermione switch bodies! Will Harry be able to switch them back before they drive him crazy? Er . . . . hard to say. *****NOTE: The Third And Final Chapter Is Up And Waiting For You To Read And Review!!!*****
1. When Good Spells Go Bad

To My Readers: I have been desperately trying to get a good story for you to read. But, all I could come up with was this . . . monstrosity. It just wouldn't go away until I posted it! I will warn you, it gets kind of crazy. Well, just sit back, relax, and enjoy the craziness that is PezMaster:  
  
  
THE 'GENDER' ISSUE  
CHAPTER ONE: 'WHEN GOOD SPELLS GO BAD.'  
  
"Er . . . . stupid spell . . . . Carnegiea!"  
  
"ARG-"  
  
"Oh, sorry 'bout that Neville. My bad . . ."  
  
It was a normal Friday afternoon in Transfiguration class. (Well, as normal as it has ever been, anyways.) Harry, who had been sitting in the back of the classroom with Hermione, trying to turn a chair into a clam, suddenly heard a large bump and several chuckles.  
  
"Ron!" Hermione stood up and yelled across the room, "What did you do?!"  
  
Ron was smiling sheepishly as he helped fellow Gryffindor, Neville Longbottom, to his feet. Everyone noticed that something was wrong with Neville's appearance. . . .  
  
"YOU TURNED HIS HEAD INTO A CACTUS?!" squealed Hermione, running across the classroom, clearly horrified. Harry followed her, trying to suppress his laughter.  
  
"I didn't mean to!" Ron and Harry exchanged glances and began to burst out laughing. "Neville was just at the wrong place at the wrong time."  
  
A look of disgust fell over Hermione's face as she grabbed Neville by the shoulder so he wouldn't crash into any desks. A large crowd of Gryffindors began to form around the front of the class.  
  
"It's not funny!" Hermione glared at Ron and Harry, who immediately stopped laughing. "This is totally serious!"  
  
Neville, who had been absentmindedly feeling around the classroom (since his new cactus-face didn't have any eyes) suddenly stumbled over a backpack and was sent flying across the room.  
  
Harry snorted. "Yeah, sure Hermione, we're being totally serious . . . ." he and the rest of the Gryffindors then uncontrollably burst into fits of laughter as Neville's new spiked head got stuck in a wooded door. "Fine. Let's get back to normal before Professor McGonagall comes back . . . ."  
  
"I'm afraid it's too late for that Mr. Potter."   
  
The group of Gryffindors slowly turned around to find the Transfiguration teacher leaning against the door jam; her arms crossed and eyebrows raised.  
  
"What in the name of -" Professor McGonagall finally got site of Neville, who was, at the time, feeling Dean Tomas's hair. "Okay . . . . Which one of you transfigured Longbottom's head into a cactus?!"  
  
Everyone slowly glanced at Ron, whose ears began to turn a bright red. Professor McGonagall knew this was a telltale sign of Weasley guilt.  
  
"Mr. Weasley. See me after class," McGonagall said, a hint of annoyance in her voice, "The rest of you may leave early, I've got to straiten out Mr. Longbottom's face."  
  
Harry stayed with Ron for a while as their fellow Gryffindors piled out of the classroom, not believing their own good luck.  
  
"This day can not get any worst . . ." Ron muttered, his hands covering his face.  
  
"Oh, come on, Ron. Look at it this way," Harry tried the best to comfort his friend. "At least you don't have detention with Snape."  
  
"You've got a point, there." Ron rose from his seat and turned towards the front of the class, were Neville had just gotten his regular head back. (Though it was still a bit green and pointy.) "But I still think it's going to be a long night."   
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Harry and Hermione were the only two left in the Gryffindor common room by time Ron finally arrived back from his detention.  
  
"Oh, God . . . . McGonagall made me help Filch wash the dungeon floors." Ron winced as he slowly sat in a chair by the fire. "It was a complete nightmare."  
  
"So, naturally, Snape was breathing down your neck all night." Harry smiled.  
  
"That man is in serious need of a tic-tac," Ron scrunched up his nose in disgust as Harry chuckled.  
  
Hermione rolled her eyes. "Well, it's all your fault, anyway." She said. "If you had learned that spell correctly, you wouldn't have had detention."  
  
Ron leaned forward in his seat, clearly annoyed. "Fine, Hermione. You try turning a chair into a clam."  
  
"Okay . . . . I will." Hermione said definitely. She then got up from her seat, took her wand out, and, with a great puff of dust, shut the old book she was reading. "Gend - a . . ach . . . ACHOO!"  
  
Before Hermione could finish the spell, she sneezed, causing thousands of bright purple sparks to shoot out of her wand; They ricocheted off of the huge mirror which hug above the fireplace, and hit her and Ron, knocking them down with a sickening thump.  
  
Taken with surprise, Harry leapt out of his seat and bent down to help his fallen friends.  
  
"Ron! Hermione! Oh, God . . . . Are you two okay?!"  
  
Harry started to shake Hermione, who groaned out loud. Resorting to dispirit measures, he slapped his friend upside the face.  
  
"OW!" Hermione's eyes shot open and she groaned again. "Why the hell did you do that for?" she moaned softly.  
  
"I'm sorry," Harry helped Hermione to her feet. "Now, come and help me with Ron  
. . . ."  
  
"What?" Hermione asked, raising an eyebrow.  
  
"We've got to get Ron up to bed," Harry said slowly. "I think he got the worst of it."  
  
Hermione looked down at the unconscious Ron Weasley. Her eyes suddenly went wide and her face went pale.  
  
"What's the matter?" Harry asked absentmindedly, trying to pick up Ron by himself.  
  
"Oh . . . . my . . . God . . . ." Hermione started touching her face and hair. She abruptly grabbed Harry by the shoulders, making him drop Ron. "Harry! I've turned into a girl!"  
  
Harry stood up and raised an eyebrow, "What the hell are you babbling about? I believe you've always been a girl . . . ."  
  
Hermione shook Harry again. "I'm not Hermione! I'm RON!"  
  
Harry's smile faded from his face. Hermione (who claimed she was Ron.) sounded completely serious. Harry started to panic.  
  
"You're . . . your kidding me," he stuttered.  
  
"Hermione and I must have . . . . er . . . switched bodies when she messed up that spell." Ron in Hermione's body smacked his new forehead. "Well, this is going to become very awkward . . . ."  
  
"No kidding" Harry muttered, shaking his head. "Now, come on and help me get Ro- . . . . er . . . . uh . . . Hermione up to the boy's dorm."  
  
"What?!" Ron twisted Hermione's face into a grimace. "And just were am I going to sleep?"  
  
Harry nodded toward the stairs to the girls' dormitory.   
  
Ron backed away from his old body and Harry. "Ooohhh no . . . . I'm not going up there . . ."  
  
"Come on, Ron, it makes perfect sense," Harry said, "You're stuck in a girl's body, so you have to sleep in the girls' bedroom. Same goes for Hermione."  
Ron crossed Hermione's arms. "Okay, fine," he said stubbornly, "But if I see any girls walking around in their panties, it's on your head."   
  
********************  
  
Er . . . . no comment from the author. But, I will give you my word that it gets better. MUCH better. I'll get the next chapter up as soon as possible, so you're just going to have to wait. Now, all you have to do is review!   
A/N: Again, I do NOT own any of the 'Harry Potter' characters!  
PLEASE NOTE: I am, at the time, working on my own web site. (Scary thought, huh?) What I need from you, my fellow readers, are fan art, stories, and/or fan fiction. ( Just Harry Potter stuff, please.) Just e-mail it to me at cshrumm@yahoo.com. Thanks a lot!  
Love, Kisses, and Pineapples, From PezMaster. 


	2. In Which Harry Becomes One Snitch Short ...

I'm very sorry that I couldn't get this posted sooner. But, I do have a good excuse: SCHOOL! You know, that big brick building were you supposedly receive your education? That place where a bell wakes you up every time you start to drift off to sleep? Yeah, that thing. Also, fanfiction.net didn't help me one bit by being off line for a while . . . But, no, I'm not bitter . . .(What the hell am I talking about? Of course I am!!!) Oh well, this chapter does get a bit crazy. And, I must warn you; Harry does go a bit . . . . er . . . . off of his onion.(Hence the chapter name.) I've always loved tampering with a character's emotions. (*Evil laughter*) Read, Review, and Repeat!   
  
A/N: I don't own anything! Well . . . I do own the 'Peanut Butter Incident' (MUHAHAHA!!) I'll tell you about that later, but first . . . on to the story:  
  
  
THE 'GENTER' ISSUE  
CHAPTER TWO: 'IN WHICH HARRY BECOMES ONE SNITCH SHORT OF A QUIDDITCH GAME'  
  
"So . . . er . . . how she'd take it?"  
  
"She was worse than you. Started to scream bloody murder as soon as she saw herself in the mirror."  
  
Harry and Ron in Hermione's body had once again met in the common room. Since it was a Saturday, it was pretty much cleared out except for a couple late sleepers.  
  
"Oh, God . . . . no matter what body you put her in, she'll always be Hermione." Ron rolled Hermione's eyes. "Did anyone notice?"  
  
"I told Dean and Seamus that you weren't feeling too well," explained Harry, "and Neville's still in the hospital wing from that peanut butter incident."  
  
Ron winced, "I never thought Fred and George could be so cruel. Neville really didn't deserve a prank like that."  
  
"Anyway, I think we'll be fine for now," finished Harry.  
  
"'For' and 'now' are the key words," pointed out Ron, "And we- oh, wait . . . here she comes . . ."  
  
Hermione in Ron's body stumbled down the stairs from the boy's dormitory. She looked flustered and a bit pale.  
  
"Er . . . how are you doing, Hermione?" asked Harry quietly as Hermione sat Ron's body down on a chair.  
  
"How am I doing? HOW AM I DOING!?" she mocked crazily. "I just peed standing up and YOUR ASKING ME HOW I FEEL!?"  
  
At this point, several Gryffindors turned their heads to see what all the commotion was about.  
  
Ron made Hermione's face cringe. "Hermione, could you keep it down? Your making me look like some sort of nutter."  
  
"Oh, come off it, Ron," Hermione scathed, "Don't you feel a bit awkward?"  
  
"Actually, I haven't changed clothes or gone to the bathroom since last night." Ron admitted, turning his new ears red.  
  
"Well good." Hermione said shortly.  
  
"What do you mean?" Ron raised an eyebrow. "Can't I relieve myself or change into non-smelly robes?"  
  
"Not while you're in my body." Hermione crossed Ron's arms.  
  
"But you can pee while standing!?" Ron yelled, "I hardly think that's fare."  
  
"Er . . . Hermione, I think Ron's always been able to do that."  
  
Harry, Ron, and Hermione turned around to find the Weasley twins, complete with peanut butter matted in their hair and puzzled looks on their faces.  
  
"Yes. I believe it's some sort of genetic thing . . . ." Fred trailed off, still staring at Ron and Hermione, whose faces went bright red.  
  
"Guys, we can explain everything . . ." started Harry.  
  
"I'm not so sure I want you to." said George, "I'm kind of weirded-out here."  
  
"Plus, it's fun just to leave it to our own imagination . . ." Fred grinned evilly.  
  
Ron bent towards Harry, "Should we tell them?" he asked softly.  
  
"Tell us what?" asked Fred.  
  
"I think so," put in Hermione, ignoring Fred's question. "Maybe they can help."  
  
"Er . . . this is Fred and George we're talking about . . . . You know, the guys who caused that peanut butter incident in the girls bathroom . . ."  
  
"What are you three going on about?" Fred asked again, a hint of annoyance in his voice.  
  
"Okay, okay . . . . uh . . ." Harry took a deep breath. "Ron and Hermione switched bodies." He said quickly.  
  
Fred and George slowly exchanged glances. When their eyes met, they both burst out laughing. Several people turned their heads again to see what was so funny.  
  
"Oh God . . . . that's . . . that's the funniest thing I . . . I've ever heard!" George choked out between fits of laughter."  
  
"I can just imagine little Ronnykins in pantyhose and high-heels!" Fred said loudly, wiping a tear from his cheek. He and George continued to chortle hysterically.  
  
"Shut up, you idiots!" Ron raised Hermione's body from his seat. "Harry's telling the truth!"  
  
Fred and George stopped in mid-chuckle.  
  
"Hermione?" George said slowly, thoroughly astonished. "Did you just tell us   
to-"  
  
"I'm NOT HERMIONE!" Ron snapped, "I'm RON!"  
  
Fred raised an eyebrow, "Fine, if you really are Ron, then you have to prove it."  
  
"How?"  
  
"Tell everyone here about what happened to you when you were four." said George.  
  
Ron looked around nervously and wiped Hermione's long hair out of his eyes. "Er . . . come on, guys. That's kind of embarrassing . . ."  
  
The Weasley twins crossed their arms. They wouldn't believe anything until Ron told his story.  
  
"Okay, okay . . ." Ron looked around again, making sure no one else could hear. "I . . . I . . . I threw up oatmeal . . ."  
  
"Were?" pressed George.  
  
"In my . . ." Ron twisted Hermione's face into a grimace, " . . . underwear . . . . And mum made me wear them . . ."  
  
Harry and Hermione burst into silent fits of chuckles as Ron turned a deep scarlet and the Weasley twins exchanged bewildered glances.  
  
"Ron?" Fred leaned in close to his brother in Hermione's body. "It's really you, isn't it? Nobody knows about the 'oatmeal in the underpants' story but family."  
  
"What happened to you two?" asked George.  
  
Harry, Ron, and Hermione launched into the story of the accidental personality-switching spell. Of course, Fred and George thought this all to be a laugh riot.  
  
"Please, guys," Hermione pleaded, "This is not something to laugh about. Ron and I could be stuck this way forever."  
  
Ron went pale, "You're . . . you're kidding me. I can't-"  
  
"Don't worry about it, Ron." Fred interrupted. "We'll switch you two back."  
  
"Or just mock you until someone else does," added George.  
  
Fred smiled, "Oh, yes, that's pretty fun too."  
  
Harry and Hermione in Ron's body got up out of their seats and pushed the Weasley twins towards the portrait hole.  
  
"Why don't you two go do some research in the library or something?" suggested Hermione, trying to stuff Fred out of the common room as fast as possible.  
  
George looked taken aback, "We've never been to the library in our lives!"  
  
"Well, it's a good time to start." Harry said.  
  
And, with one final push, he and Hermione were able to shove the Weasley twins out of the Gryffindor common room.  
  
"We should start looking for an anti-curse too, you know," said Hermione as she and Harry walked back to where Ron was sitting.  
  
"Er . . . I don't think I'm quite comfortable with going out in the open yet, " said Ron meekly.  
  
"Oh, come on Ron. If you want your body back, it's the only way," said Harry as he and Hermione guided Ron towards the portrait hole. "And besides, what's the worst that could happen?"  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *   
  
"Come on, Hermione. It's cold . . . Can't I go change into a sweater or something?"  
  
"No! Not while you're in my body you can't!"  
  
The three Gryffindors had all decided to get some fresh air. They were sitting underneath the large oak tree next to the lake, which housed the Hogwartain giant squid. Harry had lost his patience hours ago, when Ron and Hermione had started bickering again, and was now starring towards the Quidditch pitch. The Hufflepuff team, complete with their canary yellow robes, had just started practice. Right then, Harry wished he was with them so that he could be far, far away from Ron and Hermione.  
  
"Come on, Hermione," whined Ron, "I'm cold, I'm miserable, and I'm all . . . er . . . cramp-y."  
  
"Oh, yes, I forgot to tell you," Hermione twisted Ron's face into an evil grin, "It's that time of month for me. Sorry . . ."  
  
A look of pure horror spread across Ron's new face. He groaned and started to knock Hermione's head repetitively into the tree trunk, cursing under his breath.  
  
"Get focused, guys," Harry pleaded. "I can stand you two like this anymore!"  
  
"That makes both of us. " commented Ron.  
  
"No. What I met is I can't stand the two of you like this because YOU'RE DRIVING ME ABSOULTY CRAZY!" Harry's right eye began to twitch.  
  
Ron and Hermione exchange meaningful glances.  
  
"Er . . . maybe we should get you back inside." said Hermione as she and Ron slowly got up.   
  
The three Gryffindors walked back down the path towards the castle. They got several odd looks and a couple snickers as people passed. (Most likely because of Harry's twitching eye.) Unfortunately, Harry, Ron, and Hermione caught some very much unwanted attention . . . .  
  
"Well, well, well . . . If it isn't the three stooges . . ."  
  
Draco Malfoy stood in the middle of the path, his arms crossed, looking as smug as ever.  
  
"Move, Malfoy." Harry was in no mood to fight with the Slytherin.  
  
"What's your hurry, Potter?" asked Malfoy, purposely stepping in Harry's way. "Don't you want to stay and chat?"  
  
"He said shove off, Malfoy." Ron snapped, stepping up to the Slytherin. Ron had forgotten that he wasn't in his own body anymore.  
  
Malfoy looked down at Ron in Hermione's body. "You've got to be kidding me." He sneered, apparently not amused.  
  
"You heard me," Ron had to stand on Hermione's toes in able to get to Malfoy's height.  
  
"I'm surprised, Granger," Malfoy said smugly to Ron in Hermione's body. "I always thought Weasley would be the first to step up to me." He then turned to Hermione in Ron's body. "Or are you just letting your little girlfriend do it for you because you're too scared?"  
  
Harry could see Ron mentally snap. Ron suddenly leapt on Malfoy's back, bringing him down to the ground, and started smacking him upside the head. Even though Ron was in Hermione's body, it was still no easy task pulling him off the suffering Sytherin.  
  
"MALFOY! WHAT IN THE GOOD NAME OF MERLIN DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!"   
  
Professor McGonagall came running towards the group and pulled Malfoy away from Ron in Hermione's body.  
  
"Pro . . . Professor!" Malfoy stuttered, "Granger, she . . . she jumped me!"  
  
McGonagall raised an eyebrow. She looked from Malfoy to Ron in Hermione's body, then back to Malfoy.  
  
"You don't expect me to believe that Hermione Granger attacked you, do you?" Professor McGonagall grabbed Malfoy by the ear, "Twenty points from Sytherin for fighting and another five for lying."  
  
"But-" Malfoy started.  
  
"DO YOU WANT ME TO MAKE IT THIRTY?!" threatened McGonagall. She then turned towards Harry, Ron, and Hermione. "I don't want to see you three in anymore fights, provoked or not. Do you understand me?"  
  
"Yes, Professor . . ."  
  
"Good." McGonagall pulled Malfoy into the castle doors and disappeared.  
  
"Ron! How could you?!" Hermione wailed as soon as the Professor and the Sytherin were gone.  
  
"How could I wh- Oh, wait a minute . . . You're not sticking up for Malfoy, are you?" Ron said, dusting off the robes he was wearing.  
  
"Of course I'm not defending that scum!" snapped Hermione.  
  
"Then why are you yelling at me?"  
  
"I'm yelling at you because you made me look like a fool!" yelled Hermione. "Everyone outside saw that fight. Now they probably think I was really part of it!"  
  
"So?" asked Ron unconcernedly.  
  
"So? SO!? Don't you know I have a reputation to uphold?!"  
  
Ron snorted "Well, you don't have much of one now."  
  
Hermione clenched Ron's jaw, "If you weren't in my body, I would have to hurt you . . ."  
  
"Will you two please just SHUT UP!" Harry finally snapped, his eye was twitching worse then ever. "You've been fighting ever since you've switched bodies. Can't you two just be nice to each for a minute? That's all I ask."  
  
There was an awkward pause.  
  
"She started it . . ." mumbled Ron.  
  
"THAT'S IT!" Harry through his arms up in the air. "I'm tired of it! When you two can finally act your age, you can come find me."  
  
Harry stormed off towards the castle, leaving Ron and Hermione feeling lower than dirt.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
*********************************  
  
Dunt, Dunt, Dunt!!! Wow, I bet you never knew Harry could emotionally snap like that. Er . . . sorry for those of you who didn't like that 'eye twitching' thing. I just thought it added a whole new dimension for Harry when he got really angry. And, no, I don't know how Malfoy knows about the Three Stooges. He just does, okay? Quit questioning my authority! (*PezMaster sits in a corner and rocks herself*)  
  
Anywho, Wonder what that whole 'Peanut Butter Incident' thing was about? Well, I'm not going to tell you. (*PezMaster sticks out her tongue*) I'll just leave it to your imagination. Lets just say it had something to do with my friend, Pheebs, and I on April Fool's day. (MUHAHAHA!!!!) And, as for Pheebs . . . just picture him as a Muggle Fred Weasley. (Red hair, freckles, evil grin, the mind of a master prankster, etc. etc.) I'll type up the third (and final) chapter as fast as humanly possible. Lets just hope that fanfiction.net wont be as difficult this time around. (*PezMaster kneels down and prays to the great Fan Fiction God*) But, just remember, the more reviews I get, the faster my stories and chapters will arrive . . . . .  
  
  
NOTE: Hey! Have I mentioned that I am making a web site? But in order for it to be a Harry Potter FAN site, I need stories and art from . . . Harry Potter FANS!! (Huh, what a concept . . .) So, send your stories and art to me at cshrumm@yahoo.com. Please? Pretty Please? Oh, and by the way, I will be publishing my new Harry Potter fan fiction novel (Harry Potter and the Gem of Grogonous) on my web site first. So, once again I remind you to send me Harry Potter fiction and art so I can get my story and web page under way!!!  



	3. Fred And George To The Rescue!

Thanks to all of you for the wonderful reviews! (And, no Pheebs, you don't get extra points for giving me the same review twice.) Also, much love to the 'Hermione Granger fan club' for the great reviews! You guys made my day! Now, it's the moment you've all been waiting for! You now have on your screen the last chapter of 'The Gender Issue'! (And you thought I would just leave you hanging . . .) I warn you, though, I was pretty preoccupied when I wrote this, so it ties up all the loose ends pretty quickly (*sigh*). Oh well, read and try to enjoy as much as possible!   
  
A/N: JK Rowling owns all of these wonderful characters. Well, now Warner Bros. owns them too. (Don't ask me to explain. I don't get it either.) And I think I got the idea for the 'name tag gag' off of a personal experience. (Er . . . don't ask.)   
  
  
THE 'GENTER' ISSUE   
CHAPTER THREE: 'FRED & GEORGE TO THE RESCUE!'   
  
Harry had been sitting in the Gryffindor common room for hours until Ron and Hermione came back, their arms full of spell books from the library. They both apologised to Harry for acting so childish and agreed to work together as a team. For the first time all day, Harry smiled. He was relieved that his friends' battles were over and done with.   
  
The three Gryffindors then started to go through the library books, searching for a spell to get Ron and Hermione back into their own bodies.   
  
"This is no use," said Ron angrily, closing his fifteenth text. "All the spells in this book have to do with pineapples. Who on earth would want to make a pineapple tap-dance?"   
  
"I wouldn't mind. It would be a great conversation piece at all the parties . . ."   
  
Fred and George Weasley had just stepped through the portrait hole. They both had identical smiles on their faces and seemed to be hiding something behind their backs.   
  
"Please tell me you've found a way to switch them back." Harry said hopefully.   
  
"Er . . . not exactly . . ." confessed George.   
  
"But we have solved the identity crisis." Fred said, apparently very pleased with himself.   
  
"Taa Daa!"   
  
With absolute flourish, the Weasley twins branshed two name-tags. One read: 'HELLO, MY NAME IS HERMIONE' and the other read: 'HELLO, MY NAME IS RON'. They stuck the tags onto the two very unamused Gryffindors.   
  
"Won't people just think that they switched name tags?" asked Harry, raising an eyebrow.   
  
Fred and George exchanged slow glances.   
  
"Er . . . good point . . ."   
  
"We really didn't think of that problem . . . ."   
  
"Brilliant!!" Hermione screeched, jumping up from the book she had been sifting through.   
  
"See," Fred said smugly, elbowing Harry. "Even Hermione thinks it's a good idea."   
  
"No, no! Not that! This!" Hermione pointed to a passage in her book. "I've found a way to switch Ron and I back!"   
  
"Hermione, I could kiss you!" Ron jumped up and down with excitement.   
  
"Not if I get to her first!" Harry joined Ron in a little victory dance.   
  
"Woah, woah. Simmer down you two. Nobody's starting a love fest until it works." George turned to Hermione. "It will work, right?"   
  
"It seems easy enough. Look here," Hermione point to a passage in her book. "It says: 'To reverse the personally switching curse, one must re-enact the spell exactly twenty-four hours later, (same time, same place, and by the same person) or be doomed to be stuck in each other's bodies permanently.'"   
  
There was a long pause as Hermione and Ron exchanged long, worried looks.   
  
"All right, then!" Harry had to break the silence. "Now, all we have to do is wait until tonight. About, what time? One in the morning?"   
  
"It was more like twelve forty-five." Ron said quietly. "I should know. I was staring at the clock all night, waiting for my detention to end . . ."   
  
"We'll clear all the stragglers out." Fred said, elbowing his twin. "We've been working on a proto-type . . . ."   
  
"Why do I suddenly feel a dark cloud of impending doom coming over us?" asked Hermione, shaking Ron's head in complete disgust.   
  
"Yes, that always seems to happen to our friends." commented George. "Odd, isn't it?"   
  
"Okay, Okay." Harry got everyone's attention. "Tonight, right here, twelve forty-five. Everyone got it?"   
  
Ron and Hermione nodded in agreement as the Weasley twins gave Harry an over-enthusiastic solute and marched off. As everyone dispersed their separate ways, Harry, who was finally feeling positive for the first time all night, folded his hands behind his head, leaned back into his chair, and closed his eyes with a smile on his face.   
  
*****************************************   
  
"Harry Potter . . . . Heeelllllloooo . . . . Earth to Harry . . . ."   
  
Harry opened his eyes. Slowly, a grinning, freckly face came into focus.   
  
"Fred, geroff . . ." Harry grumbled, pushing the Weasley twin away.   
  
"Love you too, sunshine." Fred cooed sarcastically.   
  
"What . . . what time is it?" Harry asked, stifling a yawn.   
  
"Twelve forty-three. On the dot."   
  
"That's just corking . . ." Harry lifted his glasses and rubbed his eyes.   
  
Ron in Hermione's body was in the chair next to him, trying desperately not to nod off. George was on the floor, thoroughly engrossed in a big, leather bound book called 'Pineapple Prestidigitation'. Hermione in Ron's body was nervously pacing around the common room, flicking her wand and mouthing wordlessly. Harry took in a deep breath, along with the faint smell of dungbombs.   
  
"Are you ready Hermione?" Harry asked, getting out of his seat and stretching.   
  
Hermione slowly nodded Ron's head.   
  
"Okay, people. It's twelve forty-five." announced Fred. "Go for it."   
  
Hermione walked towards the fire-place as Ron got up out of his chair. They exchanged quick glances. Hermione raised her wand.   
  
"Genditola." She said.   
  
Nothing happened.   
  
"Genditola!" Hermione said again, this time more forcefully.   
  
Still, nothing happened.   
  
"What am I doing wrong?!" Hermione squealed, waving her wand wildly. "It's the right spell and everything . . ."   
  
"Thirty-five seconds . . ." Fred warned, looking at his watch.   
  
"Come on, Hermione!" wailed Ron. "I couldn't stand being stuck in your body!"   
  
"Wait! Wait! She has to sneeze!" screamed Harry. "Hermione sneezed when she said that spell!"   
  
"I can't sneeze on purpose!"   
  
"Twenty seconds . . ."   
  
"I've got it!" George suddenly stood up and took something out of his pocket. "Okay, Hermione, breath in!"   
  
George threw something onto the ground. It exploded and soon filled the air with a thick smoke. Harry's eyes began to water. He heard Hermione try the spell again.   
  
"GEND - A . . . A . . . ACH . . . ACHOO!"   
  
Bright purple sparks filled the room, clearing away all the smoke. There was a sudden flash and two large thumps as Ron and Hermione fell to the ground.   
  
Harry rubbed his now blood-shot eyes and stumbled over to his friends.   
  
"Ron? Hermione? Are you okay?" he croaked.   
  
The two Gryffindors groaned and started coughing.   
  
"Well, did we do it, then?"   
  
Fred and George made their way over to the fireplace. Their eyes were red and watery, in yet they were still grinning like maniacs.   
  
"Don't know yet." said Harry. "Help me get them up."   
  
The person in Ron's body groaned as his brothers and Harry raised him into a chair.   
  
"I feel like I've been hit by the knight bus . . ." The-person-in-Ron's-body muttered.   
  
"Ron?" Harry asked hopefully. "Is that you?"   
  
"'Course it's me." mumbled Ron. "Who else would it - wait a moment . . . It IS me! I back in my old body!"   
  
Ron started feeling his face and looked down at his own robes.   
  
"Oh, God, I'm back to myself! No more Hermione's body. No more long hair. No more tampons -"   
  
"Er . . . that's quite enough." Fred interrupted, his face twisting into a grimace. "I really don't want to hear about that . . ."   
  
Ron ignored his brother. "How about Hermione? She's okay too, right?"   
  
As if in response, Hermione coughed and slowly opened her eyes.   
  
"Oh . . . . my head . . ." she mumbled, rubbing her temples.   
  
"The good news is that it is your own head." Ron leaned over Hermione, smiling ear to ear.   
  
"For once, I wish it wasn't" Hermione winced, still holding her face. "Does anyone have any aspirin?"   
  
Ron raised an eyebrow, "Aspirin?"   
  
"It's sort of a Muggle headache cure charm." explained Harry, as he helped his friend to her feet. "Sorry, Hermione. I finished mine up this morning. I found out that friends cause a lot of migraines."   
  
"Yes, well, I'm going off to sleep in my own bed and my own body . . . Finally. G'night, all." Hermione stumbled up the stairs to the girls' dorm.   
  
"I think she's got the right idea." Fred yawned.   
  
"Oh yeah. And we've got Quidditch practice tomorrow morning," George groaned. "Which means Oliver Wood's face is going to be the first thing we see when we wake up."   
  
"Scary . . ." Fred commented as he and George made their way to the boys' dorm rooms.   
  
Ron shook his head and snickered.   
  
"Seeing Wood at two in the morning is hardly something to laugh at," said Harry.   
  
"No, no. Not that." Ron smiled, "I just remembered about the . . . er . . . surprise I left for Hermione in her bed when I got bitter at her this morning. Remember that proto-type Fred and George mentioned?"   
  
Harry raised and eyebrow. "That can't be good . . ."   
  
"ROOOONNN!!!"   
  
A loud scream suddenly sounded from the girls' dormitory. The two boys exchanged quick grins and ran like hell up to the safety of their own bedrooms. Harry had the feeling that he'd be needing a lot more aspirin in the near future . . . .   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
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Yes, yes . . . I know. The last chapter totally bombed the rest of the story, didn't it? Well, at least Fred and George were in it again. . . . (*sigh*). Like I said before I was pretty preoccupied when I wrote this. Between school work, and my two new stories: Harry Potter and the Gem of Grogonous (which is, at the time, a whopping 310 pages! The sad thing is that I'm only half done with it.) and my new pride and joy Marauder's story, 'Party Animals' (The first chapter will be up soon, I promise . . .) I pretty much rushed though 'The Gender Issue'. Sorry guys. Well, keep a look out for 'Party Animals' and 'The Gem of Grogonous'. They'll be coming soon to a computer screen near you!   
  
PS: I'm also thinking about doing a sequel to this story. How about 'The Gender Issue 2: The Last Insult'? (I like the sound of that . . .) Tell me what you think! 


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